I fear my boyfriend’s reaction
I have a very difficult and tense situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a long time and we love each other. I have never had sexual intercourse and my first time will be with him in a month, but I have a very difficult situation. When I was 14, I masturbated with my finger and now I do not know if I broke the hymen and if he will figure out that I am not a virgin, I am very afraid of all that, I did not feel any pain, but I am afraid of his reaction because my future depends on that. Thank you in advance.
Exploring your own body, including masturbating, is a natural part of developing sexuality and it is a part you really should not be ashamed of or feel guilty about. Our society often approaches the topic of sexuality in a way that can cause shame or guilt, but the healthy development of one’s own identity includes, among other things, an awareness of one’s own sexuality. I am sure that such topics are not foreign to your boyfriend, with whom you plan to have sexual intercourse. You state that you have been together for a long time and love each other, so it would be good if you could talk openly about topics related to sexuality. Have you discussed forms of protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases? This is an extremely important topic before sexual intercourse. I would definitely advise you to talk about what worries or scares you, how much you think that awareness of your own body and sexuality is important for mutual satisfaction, what sexual intercourse can mean for the development of your relationship, etc. It may be initially embarrassing to start a conversation on this topic, but the conversation is important and after you start talking openly, the initial shame will subside.